cast on, cast off

I bet I lure a lot of knitters in with that title, huh?

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about knitting. I'm talking about arm casts. And Andrew's is about to come off - in a little less than a week.

This is particularly good, because it's beginning to look rather dingy. And I think he's weary of wearing a trash bag in the shower, and not being able to catch a baseball properly. It was nice of the doctor to provide a nice, blue cast that perfectly matches his baseball outfit, but I think we're both tired of it.

My real reason for mentioning any of this, of course, is to keep my word and spill the beans about what I wrote on his cast. None of you were brave enough to guess ... only brave enough to say "Gee, with your sense of humor, there's no tellin' what you wrote!" Ha! That made me laugh. Mostly because I realize you all thought I probably wrote something extremely funny or rude or embarrassing.

**Long pause

Ok, so maybe you were right with the rude part. I dunno what do you think? Is "Smooth move, ExLax!"  rude? 

**Longer pause

Yeah, you're probably right. But what I really wanted to write was "Roly Poly, Pell Mell, Tumble Bumble!"

Why? Because he looooooved that book when he was little. I'm positive I read it to him at least 3,486 times. And - since he truly did go roly poly, tumble, bumble, pell, mell down the hill, it seemed quite appropriate.

As did strawberry shortcake, rice pudding, and chocolate custard...........

Ahem!

However, when I told him I was going to write a portion of The Poky Little Puppy, he said, "Mom. That's too long. Ya' gotta save room for all my friends."

Psh!! Ok, fine. I see where I rank.

So the ExLax comment is what ya' get if you reject the cute comment. To sweeten things up, I did add "Love, Mom" and "Romans 8:28" to the signature.

See. I'm a great Mom.

Right? 

cheese, quilts, and reading

As you read in my last post, I wasn't feeling very well in the first part of the week. The second part of the week, my cold got better, but then I ate some cheese, and I've been feeling very sluggish because of it. This is what happens when I crave something that is "legal" on my diet, but still doesn't sit well with me. I take a few bites anyway - and then suffer.

For three days.

The question is: Will I ever learn?

The answer is: Probably not! :))

But in other (good!) news ... Next week is Thanksgiving, and not long after that, it'll be time to start getting things ready for Christmas! Ashlee and Daniel are coming and will be here three or four days. I'm so excited I might just wet my pants stay away from forbidden food that makes me feel awful.

We plan to go see the new Narnia movie, Voyage of the Dawn Treader while they're here. Can you believe I've never read the Narnia series?

Biggest crime for a reader, I know. However - in celebration of the new movie coming out, I'm going to read as much of the series as possible. 

How 'bout you? Are you doing anything special to celebrate the Holiday Season? Leave a comment and tell us about it! Or - tell me what you're reading and whether you would recommend it. I'm always on the lookout for great books!

One more bit of good news before I go. I finally finished Jessie's Coca-Cola quilt!! This is the good part about being down with an illness. You tend to get a lot of hand sewing done. :)

I could have wrapped it up and given it to her for Christmas, but since it's been hanging on the stairwell for three years (cough, cough!), I didn't figure it would be much of a surprise.

Next post, I'll show you her reaction to (finally) getting the quilt.

 

P.S. I chose Coca-Cola because 1.) She likes Coke! And 2.) Her bedroom is decorated in Coca-Cola garb. Her bed cover is red, and her sheets are black. Her curtains are also black, so it goes well with what she's put together. Not sure how we coordinated so well ... I guess we're just awesome like that. 

*rolls eyes

oh my stars!

I can't talk very well today, cuz by dose is plugged up and I'b dot feelid very well. So here are sobe pictures to keep you occupied til I returd.

I fidally fidished by start quilt. I watted to take the pics outside, cuz the colors of the quilt are so earthy. Sorry for the look od by face. It was sdowing. 

Aaaaaaachoooooo!!!!!

Oh, excuse be.

I'll be ok ... really. Just a lil' sdiffle. 

i confess

Ever wondered if there's anything I need to 'fess up to?

I didn't think so.

But just in case there is, I'm joining MamaKat's writing workshop this week, and 'fessing up is the prompt I chose.

So! Things I may or may not need to 'fess up to:

• I take a nap every day. 

Sounds lazy doesn't it? Truth is, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't. Needing one irritates me, and I'd much rather sew or read or get some house cleaning done. Unfortunately, if I skip it, I get sick (usually a migraine). Because of my stomach issues, I can't take pain medication, and it continues to get more complicated from there. I'll spare you the details. But now you know that this blogger is also a napper.

• I went to see the King Tut exhibit this last week ... 

and I'm totally in love with some of the jewelry that the queens wore back in that era. I'm thinking one of them would completely solve all of my financial problems. If I got away with stealing it, I'd be set financially. If not, I'd still be set. Jailhouses feed and clothe their inmates, right?


Seriously though. I was amazed at the intricate detail of one particular solid gold necklace. It was massive, and oh so dainty, all at the same time. Simply incredible. 


When the exhibit is in your area, be sure to go (but leave your camera at home - no pictures allowed). You'll especially love seeing the sarcophagus that held King Tut's stomach!! Eww!

• The best article I've read this week is called "Social Media and Digital Discernment."

If you blog, read blogs, Facebook, Tweet, etc., this article is for you. It'll really keep things in perspective ... if you can have an honest opinion about yourself. 'Nuff said about that. You be the judge.

•  I want a grandbaby.

To love, cherish, kiss on the cheek (over and over and over), make a quilt for,  photograph, be his/her Grandma. Or Meemaw. Or Grammy. Or Marmie. Or whatever he/she wants to call me. He/she can call me Frank for all I care. As long as I can love him/her and sing "Jesus Loves Me" to him/her while bouncing on my knee, I'm good.

No pressure, Ashlee and Daniel.

And last one ....

•  My New Year's Resolution is simple: Get a new header!

Mine is sooo outdated. I think Andrew has literally grown 10 inches since that picture of him in the water. Ashlee's married now, Jessie has short hair, and Shaun and I never kiss like that.

I'm kidding!

We basically look the same. Perhaps a little more gray in our hair(s).

If you have any uber cool (should be read as free) sites that you know of that are good for customizing headers, will you let me know? It's been so long since I put the current one together, that I forgot where I got it from.

Pathetic, I know.

That's all the 'fessing up I have for now. Dangerous life I live, eh?

P.S. I realized after writing this that the pic up on the header isn't the one of Shaun and I kissing.

Stop laughing.

This is simply proof that I'm losing my mind and am therefore Grandma material! 

blessed be the name of the Lord

I don't write much about the trials of my life. I'm not trying to hide the fact that I have trials, so that my life seems squeaky clean here on Prairie Tales. But it seems as though it's nearly impossible to share a lot without breaking the confidence of someone I love. So I remain quiet out of respect for them.

The fact is, for the last decade, we've been hit hard with major issues (plural - definitely plural!). Everywhere from health issues to family problems ... and beyond.

Through all of it, my faith has wavered ... from strong to weak, to nearly extinct, and back to vibrant (repeat said cycle at least six times). I haven't been consistent in remaining strong. And yet, no matter how weak I get, no matter how doubtful I get that He is still there, the Lord remains faithful.

He never left. I left. 

He never moved away from me. I moved away from Him, because I doubted His love for me. In fact, I doubted His very existence.

Well ... no more. 

Never again do I want to be an unfaithful doubter. I want my faith to stabilize. No more flip-flopping, tossing to and fro, like a ship without a sail. I don't want to cry "He loves me!" one day, and the next day "He loves me not!" - like some foolish schoolgirl. I want to be anchored to Him, remaining confident of my Savior's love, faithfulness, and goodness.

And so ... in looking back on the truly horrible week I just experienced, I want to publicly confess that Jesus is still Lord ...

 ... still loves me ...

 ... and still sits on His throne above.

And "When the darkness closes in, still I will say ... 'Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

Though I am prone to wander, I still choose to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I hope you can too.

wednesday mishmash

Yes, I'm back. No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth.

Darn gravity.

I haven't been feeling very well, and blogging is always the first to go. I'm a bit back up to par today, and hopefully I'll stay that way. I was a little disappointed when I stepped on the scales this morning. My jeans haven't been fitting very well, telling me my butt was disappearing. Anyway, I'm officially two whole pounds underweight. I normally fluctuate between right on the border to five pounds over. At Ashlee's wedding, I was nearly 10 pounds heavier than I am now. So ... I'm not happy. But ... I also don't know what to do about it. I'm eating as much as I can.

----------------------------------

I've been experimenting in the sewing arena. I've branched out of quilting, and am now making various other items. Almost done with them, and I'll post a picture next post. Scout's honor!

----------------------------------

I was cleaning our bedroom last night, and ran across a pile of papers Shaun had put next to the alarm clock. This was among them, in his own handwriting:

How to bore your audience:


1. Stare at the power point while talking.

2. Before the start of the meeting, show no energy.

3. Avoid eye contact.

4. Let your sentences trail ... off ... to ... nothing ...

5. Mumble.

6. Remain glued to a 3 foot diameter circle on the floor.

I assumed he wrote it down quoting some famous Pastor or something, trying to better himself when he preaches. Turns out, he wrote it in a really boring meeting at work. Hahaha! I thought that was hilarious. Somebody could actually turn that into a dang good article and sell it!

-----------------------------------------

This girl:

 Is leaving tomorrow to go see this happy newlywed couple:

And

I

am

jealous!

But so happy they get to spend some quality sister time together.

Have fun, girls!!!  And don't OD on the Starbucks, eh?

Itchy for Etsy

Sewing and Snowing.

Itchy for Esty.

Aches and Pains.

Hobbies with the Hubby.

That, my friends is what has been going on in my uneventful little life ...

And I love it all!!

Well, all except for the aches and pains.

Friday night, there came reports that we would get snow - and lots of it!

I admit. I was beckoning big beautiful snowflakes to come knocking on my door, and pile up just like I pile blanket after blanket on my side of the bed on cold nights. Ok .... every night.

And come Saturday night, those big, gorgeous, flakey snowflakes did indeed begin to grace my whole world with their presence.











On that first picture, that's actually the sun peeking through the clouds, although it looks like the moon!

Anyway, we got about six to eight inches, church was canceled ... and I was officiall snowed in with my hubby. And what better way to make use of a snow day than to have your hobby and hubby surrounding you?

So ... we sat around and enjoyed each other's company, watched the football game, and broke out the hobbies. Reading and football for him .... sewing for me.

Here's some pics of what I put together. Only this time, there was no floating involved. ;)

Tissue holders galore!!

They make some pretty cute stocking stuffers, don't you think?

However, I think I made a few too many. And I've been itching to start an Etsy shop ...So I did just that!

If you'd like to visit, just click here. And no laughing at how scarce the shop is. Remember ... I'm just starting! Although ... I do have some pretty cute ideas as to what I will put in my shop next.

Just to get rid of the itch.

So bookmark my shop, and come back often, ya' hear? Yeeeeehaw!!!

As for the aches and pains ...

I've been doing nothing but hurting for the last two and a half days. All my joints, my ear, my spine ... all of them ache and ache bad. I'm also very exhausted and can't seem to get up off the couch, and have been sleeping a lot. Today, I have some joints in my hand that are red, itchy, swollen, and aching. I've come to the conclusion that it's either the swine flu, or I'm having some sort of autoimmune attack. I've had these arthiritis symptoms before, but never to this degree. I have no fever, am able to drink and eat just fine, so I'm not too worried. I'm just ready to be done with it!

And on that achy breaky heart note, I will bid you adeiu!

But don't forget to visit the shop! If I get enough views of my tissue holders, I may very well just give a few away, right here on Prairie Tales!! So go clickety click click click on each of the tissue holders that catch your eye and get a bigger view of them. Now behave yourselves, and please don't click over and over just so I will have a giveaway. Remember ... I have eyes in the back of my head and can see you doing that.

Don't mess with the Prairie Mama! :)

Happy stocking stuffers shopping!

~Brenda

Haircuts, Hats, and Happs

If normalness is a word, I love it. I like having a schedule and stickin' to it. I love doing the same thing, Monday through Friday, with a little bit of different on the weekends. And that's how life has been lately. Pretty normal, pretty routine, albeit busy.

Jeanine is doing quite well, in spite of the fact that she has, in the last couple of months, undergone brain surgery and is now in the midst of chemo and radiation. She was able to come over this weekend for Jessie's 18th birthday.

Did I just say Jessie's 18th birthday??

Gulp.

Anyway, here's Jeanine, with the birthday girl herself!

As you can see, Grandma got Jessie the cutest hat I've ever seen.

Ever.

Jessie and I decided to play a little dress up later that night:






I also have a boy.

With long hair.

But that obviously changed. ;)




He feels less hippyish, and I feel like a good mom for finally cutting my child's hair!

And Jessie ... well ... she just has some seriously cute hair!!






As for other happs ... I made this travel bag for Andrew. He's going to keep his video games, batteries, etc. in it when we travel. When I finished it, I decided I'd take a pic. And this is what I got:



Does that sucker not look like it's floating mid air??? I thought it was just me, but Andrew saw the pic, and without any prompting from me, said, "Whoa!! That thing is floating!!"

Some folks are poets and don't know it.

I guess I'm a magician and don't know it!

Now if I could magically whip up about ten more of these little bags for Christmas presents, I'd be a happy camper!

~Brenda

Drive by blogging.

It's what I do now days.

Why so hurried? Well, here's a few reasons:


***I am in the process of getting ready for company. Dan'l -- the boy my daughter is head over heels in love with (her words) is coming to see us on Friday, and will spend the weekend with us. He plans to meet some of the extended family, go to church with us, and simply get to know each other a little better. Obviouly not a long visit, but we are really looking forward to it. If you want to get to know Dan'l better, go here.

***Shaun is preaching on Sunday, because our Pastor is out of town. This doesn't require much of me, except giving him time to study, more praying and ... wringing of hands. Maybe not all in that order.

***Shaun's sisters just visited from out of town. They came to see Jeanine, of course. And by the way, Jeanine is doing well, considering. Since they removed the brain tumor, and now that she is off of all meds from the surgery, she is looking like her normal self. And oh how I love her little self. Now she is undergoing chemo and radiation. She did have a struggle with the chemo at first, but they've added a med that helps her keep the chemo (and her lunch!) where it ought to stay.

***Shaun and Andrew will be going hunting in a week or so. This usually means lots of preparation, and this year is no different. I'm excited for them, because it will be just the two of them this year. I can't wait to hear the survival stories, and more than that, I can't wait for my freezer to be full. No pressure, guys. ;) And by the way, if you're reading this, and you are shocked and appalled that we would be hunters ... keep it to yourself, and don't open that can of worms. You know ... for the sake of keeping peace on this blog. Ha!

***Secretary work. If you remember, I'm the secretary for our little church plant that we've been attending for about three years now ... or maybe it's four! While this does take a bit of my time, it's worth it. I can't say that I enjoy all of the work, but I always enjoy helping. And I actually do enjoy much of the work. Especially if it involves emailing, writing, helping missionaries, etc. All right down my alley!

***Doctor's appointments and procedures. My life has been full of them lately. However, this week ... no appointments or procedures scheduled!! Woot woot! I do have to start a new med, which I have so far cowered away from. I'm sorry!!! But I know it's not going to sit well with my tummy, and yet ... if you want to be cured, you have to do what the doctor says. You can't go in and tell him his suggestion didn't work if you haven't tried it. So there ya' go. Do I have to take the pill? Yes, I have to take the pill. Somebody give me some motivation here, because that's not quite cutting it for me. I am, at times, a horrible patient. Especially when it comes to conventional medicine, aka pill popping at it's finest. Bluh.

So there you have it. My life the last week. It's hectic, it's stressful, and it's awesome all at once. This is what God has put on my plate right now, and I am more and more accepting of whatever it is that He gives me. Note that I didn't say I was good at managing it all! I said I was good at accepting it. But I suppose that is a start. Because years ago, my tendency would have been to simply run from it all. Whether that be ignore it, move away from it, or get severely depressed from it all.

After reading the above, you might ask what it is that is really all that stressful. Well, to start, I didn't name everything and every challenge me or a loved one is going through. But yes, a lot of this is just "life."

Some people deal with everyday challenges better than others. And I would say that I have never really learned to deal with everyday stress and what most people would consider "normal." Add to that the health problems (of me and my family), and the stresses that our close family is going through right now, and it's a prescription for anxiety, depression, and ... running.

But don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.

I won't run. I won't hide. I will deal, with God's help, with what He has given me to deal with. He is the one in control. It's my job to trust Him, ask Him for help, and draw strength from Him.

Is it not good that we have that kind of Savior? Folks that "trust" in Buddha ... in dead gods ... they have no hope. Nobody to draw strength from. No living well to quench their very real spiritual thirsts.

I am thankful for the opportunity to trust in Him. And without the troubles, why would I need to trust Him? Lean on Him?

I wouldn't.

So thank you, Lord, for the troubles. Help me to trust in You, not in my own strength. Help me to only be refreshed by You, and not turn to what the world would tell me quenches my thirsts and longings. So many distractions, and yet You are the One who satisfies and is so faithful. Help me to keep my eyes focused on you ... whether the waves be calm or tumultuous.

Amen!

~Brenda

Ch-Ch-Ch-Change!

My poor, sweet, Lovely Lurkers. My blogging has been scarce lately!! I've probably lost most of you, but hopefully, I'll win your little hearts back.

Truth be told, family comes before blogging, and family has needed me. So until that changes, a couple of posts a week is what you can expect, rather than the four or five that I was posting.

Ah hem!

Now that we have that straight ...

The winds of change have been blowing out here on the Prairie. In the last couple of months, I've experienced these changes:

• I'm officially empty nesting. Ashlee has gone and gotten her own tree to hug camp under. It's been coming for months, and really, I'm ok with it. Everyone is on good terms. I didn't have to give her the boot. I didn't even want to give her the boot. But I don't suppose that makes it any easier. Perhaps it's a bit hard to swallow, because of everything else that is transpiring. If you're an empty nester, give me a holler. We need to talk. No, you need to talk. I need to listen.
• My mother-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer. If you've not read about that, just scroll down to the last three or four posts. It's all there.
• There's been a ch-ch-ch-change (or shall I say, decline) in my health, but not much progress in finding a solution. I do go in for some tests this week (and possibly next) that will hopefully give us a better idea of how we can accomplish getting me some more food/nutrition. I'm ready for drastic measures, even if that means more ch-ch-ch-change.
• Shaun has begun seminary classes. You know what that means? It means that I will someday be a Mrs. Pastor. And if that's not a huge ch-ch-ch-change, I don't know what is!!! It's almost funny, really. I feel like Sarah, when she heard people talking about how she would have a child in her old age. She, of course, laughed. I have never laughed out loud about being a Mrs. Pastor. I simply snicker inwardly, and say, yeah right ... me?? Nevertheless, Mrs. Pastorhood is the road I'm treading down, and I am trying to adjust and be supportive. Honestly, most days I'm excited. Other days, I laugh. Hysterically.
• Jessie cut her hair. All of it. Off. Gone. Kaputt. She walked out with hair nearly touching her waist, and came back with hair just a touch below her ear. It's cute!!! And while I like the long hair better, she pulls off a short do pretty well. A lady at church asked, "Did she cry?" I said, "No ... but I think she was trying to make ME cry!" Ha! I didn't cry. But it's more ch-ch-ch-change to get accustomed to, which seems to be my calling as of late. To adjust, adjust, adjust.

There's more, but nothing more I can really share. I know you'll either hope that one day, I'll be able to share, or you will shrug your shoulders, go about your day, and never think of it again.

Either scenario is quite alright with me.

Now all this ch-ch-ch-change talk has worn me out. So I'm going to bed.

I wonder what ch-ch-ch-change I will encounter tomorrow ....

~Brenda

The Sticktuitiveness of a Family

All I want to do today is post a few pictures of our family time together recently, and assure my readers that, as 2 Cor. 4:8 says ...

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair

God is with us through these trials we are facing. We are perplexed, indeed. But we are not despairing. In fact, we are hopeful. Not only that Jeanine may make it through this, but that if she does not, we have the hope and promise of seeing her again.

So for now, we just love on her, support her as best we can, and cherish each moment we have with her.

We stick together.

See?

And we do a bit of lovin' on each other too. Taking pictures of babies and children conveys to them that I love them.

Just so ya' know.

I love the sticktuitiveness of our family. I hope it blesses Jeanine as much as it has me the last week.

~Brenda

An Update On Our Jeanine

First, thank you for your comments, well wishes, and prayers.


Second, Jeanine's surgery went well, and she looks well. I was amazed at her color fresh out of surgery. She even looked as though she had lipstick on ... and I'm pretty sure they don't have any cosmetologists working in the OR. :-)


They were able to remove about 94% of the cancer, and that's the good news. The bad news is that it does appear to be a very aggressive type of cancer - the same type that Ted Kennedy had. The prognosis is that she has three to six months if she chooses to refuse the chemo and radiation. If she decides to go ahead with the chemo and radiation, she will have about a year.


We will not be 100% certain whether this cancer is the type they believe it to be until the labs come back.

Having said all of that, we know that her homegoing is in God's hands. The doctors do not determine how long Jeanine has. All they can do is give us their best estimate. I will continue to pray for Jeanine's healing, her complete recovery. Because I believe it's possible and I refuse to give up!

Please do not send me comments and emails saying that I am in denial, because I'm not. The reality of it all hit home with me last night. On the other hand, I don't want to give in to defeat when that's not necessarily what the Lord has called me to. I'm simply saying that Jeanine's fate is up to the Lord, not the doctors ... and I feel very thankful for that.

I am at home for most of today to catch up on laundry, school, and other things. It's therapeutic and necessary (we're all out of underwear!) to have bit of normalcy in my life today. And of course, a blog post is always in my daily schedule if it's a normal day. Mostly because I love to come here and share my struggles, triumphs, frustrations, revelations ... all of it.

My hope is that, through my life ... the life of my family ... you will be able to see the love of Christ. Please don't hesitate to let me know how I can pray for you. I'd like this relationship to be two-way, and I don't wish to be so consumed with my own problems that I can't see anyone else's need.

So ask away. :-)

More to come, and hopefully soon.

~Brenda

We Trust In The Name Of The Lord Our God

As you can tell by the slowing down of posts, we are spending a lot of time with Jeanine (Shaun's mom), Jim (Shaun's dad), and Shaun's sister's before Jeanine's surgery. It is scheduled for tomorrow, early afternoon.

We've spent the last four days hugging each other, laughing, waxing nostalgic, eating lots of food, and crying in our soup together - all good, necessary, and therapeutic.

While we are not one bit prepared to lose Jeanine, we are all keenly aware that it could happen tomorrow. Or in a few months, a year ... we simply don't know what the future holds. So we are thankful for a Savior who loves us, knows what is best for all involved, and will only take her home to Him if it is the best for everyone involved.

Our hearts cry "Not yet, Lord! We need more time!" But ultimately, we do not trust in doctors. Or medicine. We trust in the name of the Lord our God. And whatever happens, we know that God is in control. We trust Him, we trust Him ...

We trust Him.

And you know what else?

If we part ways with Jeanine in the near future, our ultimate consolation is that we will see her again. This is the hope that Christ gives us. Not only the hope of eternal life through His death on the cross to pay for our sins, but the hope of seeing our loved ones again.

And to that, I say ...

Thank you, Jesus.

~Brenda, the blessed little housewife on the Prairie (because I love my MIL, and she loves ME!)

Blogging By The Seat Of My Pants

Lovely Lurkers,

I have ten minutes to write a blog post. But I do love you dearly and want to give you an update, so I will blog - even if it has to be by the seat of my pants.

I finally have a health update. This process has gone so slow the last few months, that you would think I really do live in a sod hut out on the prairie, travel by covered wagon, and have to travel many miles in that covered wagon just to see the doctor.

Ok, I did have to travel many miles. Just not in a covered wagon.

But I digress ...

The new cardiologist has told me that my cardiac problems are not cardiac in nature.

Confused yet?

Me too.

In a nutshell, my stomach problem (gastroparesis) is somehow putting pressure on my heart when I eat, and thereby causing the heart to "jump," or have extra beats. The problem with this, of course, is that I eat like a bird as it is, and struggle to keep my weight to three pounds below the lowest acceptable weight range. So eating less, as he had the gall to suggest, is not really an option for me. At this point, I don't know what the options are, nor do I know for sure who to go see next.

Frankly, I'm not going to go see anyone just yet, as we are in a bit of a crisis mode. My mother-in-law (Jeanine) was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of days ago. So in essence, I have been demoted. I am low man on the totem pole now. ;-) Her situation is much more serious than mine, and for the next couple of weeks, our time will be spent with her. Comforting her, spending precious time with her, and supporting her in her upcoming surgery. All of the family has been called in, and while it's a bitter-sweet reunion, it's an opportunity for us to all be together - something that doesn't happen very often.

So we will take this time to cherish her, and cherish one another. We don't know what the outcome of this will be. We do know that the cancer originated in the brain, and is localized. There is no other cancer in her body. Having said that, she has been told it is the same type of cancer that Ted Kennedy had. So we know it is serious, and that she is not out of the woods.

We are all a bit dumbfounded, feeling a bit lost, and like we've been hit in the head with a 4x6. But we know that all is under the control of our Lord and Savior, and we are trusting Him with one of our most prized possessions - our mother-in-law, mother, sister, grandmother, and friend -all wrapped up in one darn cute package.

See?

Here she is on our little outing this past Sunday. We're all cooped up in the camper, out on the prairie. Good times, good times...

I confess that I am not ready to start down the road to orphanhood.

I'm a young 37, and she's a young 68. I feel the need for parents, and she feels the need to be a parent. But as I said, we trust in One greater than us. Whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and Whose ways are not our ways. So we are leaving this in His hands, to do with whatever He wishes and desires. Perhaps Jesus is ready to have her home. More ready to have her home than we are to keep her with us.

So we rest in Him, and in the sovereignty of His good will.

I will keep you posted.

Love,

~Brenda

The Comfort of Storms

We heard a fantastic sermon at church yesterday. I felt as though my trust in God had been renewed and the flame of Passion for Him had been fanned until it became more like a forest fire than a little flicker.

I still feel that way today.

Spiritually, I am good. Physically, I'm fed up!

I just want to say that those of you whose hearts beat as regular as a time clock, don't take it for granted. Those of you who can eat anything your heart desires and your stomach, like clock work, digests it as though you've given it exactly what it longs for, enjoy it. Because if it ever goes away, you'll realize what an ungrateful little twerp you were for not thanking your lucky stars God for the awesome, rhythmic working of your bodily functions.

Now, having had my little temper tantrum for the day, I can honestly say:

I'm content.

No, seriously. I am. Not physically, of course. But spiritually, I resemble the tides of water that Jesus rebuked in Mark 4:35-41.

They're calm.

They're peaceful.

And Jesus is their master.

Jesus rebuked me yesterday, just as he rebuked those winds and waves - and his disciples, for not trusting in Him. For not remembering that God was with them, that He is in control, and that He knows each and every wave of trial that comes into my life. He not only knows it, He orchestrates it.

That didn't used to be comforting to me. It made me feel as though God was mean, ready to strike me dead at any wrongdoing.

But I've come to realize that when the tidal waves come crashing against my boat with a raging force, there's great spiritual growing to be done. And God cares far more about my spiritual growth than He does about my comfort levels.

I, as an American, love comfort. Comfort food. Comfortable clothes. Comfortable temperatures. Comfy, comfy, comfy!!!

And sometimes I feel like standing on the roof of my little sod hut comfy house, only to shake my fists, and shout "Don't you care? I am not comfortable!!! Please just make my heart beat right!!"

Kind of like when the disciples said, "Hey!! Wake up!! Don't you care that we're all going to die?!"

But Jesus of course knew they were safe, because He was the master of their storm. He carefully planned it, calmly executed it, and confidently controlled it.*

Just as He is doing with my life.

Am I fed up with my stubborn heartbeat and faulty stomach?

Absolutely.

Am I rejoicing that God has a plan, and is working all things together for my good?

Absolutely.

And that's what I really want to shout from the top of my big, comfy house. Because today, my Lovely Lurkers, is the first day that I can truly say that ... and mean it.

~Brenda

*taken from a message preached by Pastor Mike DeVries

Oy. Vey.

Finally ... an update as to what the doctor said.

But hold on to yer Prairie bonnet, cuz it gets kind of ugly.

I called the doctor three times, attempting to get test results. I was put off by the receptionists each time, but also assured that I would get a call. When that never happened, I decided physically going into the office was necessary.

So ... off I marched early this morning.

Hand in hand with my hubbies parents.

For support.

Cuz I'm whimpy like that.

I first told them I needed to speak to the office manager so that I could get to the bottom of why they refused to give me my test results. They informed me they didn't have an office manager (what??), so I told them to get me whoever it was that could resolve the issue. Apparently, that's the nurse. You know, the one who never calls back.

I said "Great! I'll wait in the waiting room for the nurse to show up and give me some answers."

A few minutes later, the receptionist called me back up to the front and said, "It turns out the nurse won't be back until noon."

I swear she wanted to duck, fearing a rotten tomato was headed straight for her head. But she was brave. She stayed put.

I didn't want to walk out of the office without the issue being 100% resolved, aka my side of the story heard. So I said, "Okay. Can I just say something?"

"Sure," the receiptionist replied, her big brown eyes staring up at me.

I said, "Quite frankly, this is not a cold sore we're dealing with here. We're dealing with cardiac issues in a patient that has a long cardiac history. And furthermore, Dr. S. called ME on this issue. He got this ball rolling. He ordered these tests. He called ME and told me that something was not right about all these extra beats I'm having."

I paused.

"That's not cool. And I'm having a hard time dealing with the wait of not knowing whether something serious is going on. If he's overbooked, that's fine. I can go elsewhere. But I need to know. And I need to know today."

At this point, her eyelashes were fluttering so fast I felt a cool draft on my heated face.

"I completely understand, ma'am, and I will have the nurse call you as soon as she gets in. I'm writing a note so that I don't forget. I promise she'll call you."

"Great! Thank you, I really appreciate it." I said. "Oh ... and one other thing. If I don't hear back today, I will be back to get my records so that I can go elsewhere and get the care I need."

"That's fine. I understand." The nodding and eyelash batting continued.

"Alright. Well, I thank you for your help, and for getting the ball rolling."

"You're very welcome," she replied.

We walked away from the desk.

"Now what was her name?" my mother-in-law asked.

I rushed back and asked her what her name was.

"My name is Lydia," she said kindly.

"Well, Lydia, thank you again for all your help. I really do appreciate it."

"You're very welcome."

I feel sorry for receptionists. They have to take all the crap that the doctors faithfully bring to their phones and desks. But I think Lydia and I are ok, and I will be calling her back to tell her I know it's not her fault, and that I really did appreciate her relaying the urgency of the situation to the nurse.

At 12:40, the nurse called me back.

"The doctor said that your ultrasound was just as normal as your last one and if you're still having palpitations, you should come in and see him."

Silence.

"Ma'am, what other ultrasound is he referring to?"

"Oh .. let me check the computer."

Silence.

"Hmm ... looks like there's not another one on here."

I laughed a sick laugh.

"That's because there's never BEEN another ultrasound. That was my first one ever."

At this point, it's clear to me that I'm being given a standard answer to get me to go away.

So I jumped in while I could.

"While we're at it, do you mind explaining to me what the hold up has been with getting me these results?"

"Well, an ultrasound normally takes a week. But as for the rest of the wait, I don't really know why he didn't return your call."

I'm convinced at this point that I'd soon be on the hunt for a new cardiologist - asap style. You know, one that returns calls, cares about his patients, doesn't cowardly shrink in difficult cases. Yeah, that kind of doctor.

Sheesh.

I've never fired a doctor before, but I guess there's a first for everything!

So onward we march. I've called my cardiologist in Houston for a referral in my area, and also asked him to read the results and give me his opinion. I've never been treated as an annoying little pest down there, and I look forward to dealing with some real professionals who actually give a hoot about their patients.

Just the thought of that is pure bliss.

So stay tuned, ya'll!! I hope to hear something within the next few days. I know, I know ... you've heard that before.

All I can say to that is ...

I know how ya' feel.

~Brenda

Through Rivers and Fires

I've been working on a pictorial post all throughout the day, but am having issues (or ithues, as my kids would say).

So instead, I'll share some thoughts about ... well ... about what I'm thinking.

This waiting game with the doctor is proving to be rather, shall we say ...

Ahem!

A pain in my rear.

While I was dusting today, I ran across an old card that a dear friend sent me when my Grandma died back in April. In it, she encouraged me with this verse from Isaiah 43:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Of course, I know in my head that God is always with me, that whatever waters I pass through, whatever fire I walk through, He will be right there with me. Even in the valley of the shadow of death, He has promised to be with me. But the reminder helped it sink into my heart.

Waiting is hard. Having heart problems is hard. Not feeling like I can eat is hard.

But Rivers and Fires are always worse if you go through them alone.

Good thing I'm not alone, huh? Good thing that a friend loves me enough to to do some reminding. Good thing I have a husband who assures me he will never leave me, no matter how sick I get.

So while I am not rich in much of what the world tells me is wealth today, I am excessively wealthy in comfort from my Lord, in assurance of love from my husband, and in the companionship of friends and extended family.

And that, my Lovely Lurkers, is true wealth.

Walking through Rivers and Fires is scary ... at times terrifying!

Walking through Rivers and Fires with God, and friends, and loved ones by my side ... well it's still scary!

But it's bearable.

And for that I will be forever grateful.

~Brenda

No News Is .....

.... No news!

Not sure if no news is good news, bad news, or just no news. I'm still twiddling my thumbs, waiting for Dr. S. to call me about the ultrasound (echocardiogram). I did hear that my blood work was all normal. They tested electrolytes and magnesium levels. I'm glad they were normal, in a not so glad way, as that would have been a simple fix to a scary problem.

So ... we wait. And in the meantime, I am practicing the word "no" and handing off various forms of commitments. I'm rather proud of myself for doing so, if I do say so myself!!

Have I mentioned I'm co-dependant? I like to rescue people in their troubles, even if it's their fault.

Sorry ... I digress ...

I'm learning the world goes 'round without this little housewife on the prairie stepping in to rescue. So I will continue to rest when I need to rest. Those extra heartbeats really kick in after I eat, and so I will continue to take a nap - guilt free - during those times.

And I pinky swear that I will post any little tidbit of news I hear.

In the meantime, let's get to prayin', prairie fans!! Not just for me, but for Stellan, whom you can read about by clicking on that little button on the left that says, "Pray for Stellan."

Amen?

Amen.

~Brenda

Turbulent Ticker

Wanna know what the tech said about my turbulent ticker?

Good! Cuz I wanna tell ya' too!

I went and had the ultrasound (echocardiogram) done this morning, and although I haven't heard anything straight from the doctors mouth, the ultrasound tech was rather chatty. :-)

She saw right away that the top and bottom portion of my heart are not in sync at all. In addition, I'm having what she called "regurgitation and insufficiency." Meaning, the blood is supposed to be flowing out of my heart valves into the rest of my body, and instead, it's flowing back into the heart.

Not all of it, mind you. :-) But some. She either couldn't tell how severe it was or didn't want to say, so she left that to the doctor (who will hopefully call tonight).

So I know that the funky rythyms will need to be fixed, although I have no idea how they will attempt that. I'm hoping they can (viola!) magically tweak some settings on the pacemaker. After all, this is exactly what the pacer is supposed to fix in the first place!!

Sheesh.

I asked her why the symptoms get so severe when I eat, and she said that made perfect sense because the blood has to rush to my stomach when I eat, which makes the heart work harder. This is perhaps why the symptoms go away while I'm sleeping ... because the heart isn't having to work as hard. ?

I have no idea what the cure or treatment for either of these problems are. So we'll all have to wait for that bit of information.

If Dr. S calls tonight, I'll post something new in the morning. So keep your little tickers in tune, will ya'?

In the meantime, I'm going to go to Andrew's baseball tournament tonight and enjoy the bajeebers out of myself!!

Bajeebers. Yeah, maybe that's what is causing all of these turbulent ticker tantrums.

~Brenda, the bajeeberful prairie mama with the turbulent ticker

***Photo courtesy of iamhomosquirrel on Flickr

Comfort Food

There's comfort food ... and then there's comfort food.

Food for the belly, and food for the soul.

Food for the belly is a sore subject with me because of this, but food for the soul?

Now there's a topic I can discuss!

Last night, I was playing the piano for Shaun while he was setting up a new printer. You could say I was serenading him. He likes it when I tickle the ivories for him. It blesses him, relaxes him, and lightens his heart, particularly if I play hymns.

But as is typical of ministering, the one who ministers very often gets a blessing as well ...

As my hands softly played, my heart became lighter and lighter as I silently sang these words:

Every joy or trial
Falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial
By the Sun of Love.

We may trust Him fully
All for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly
Find Him wholly true.

Chorus:

Stayed upon Jehovah,
Hearts are fully blest;
Finding as He promised,
Perfect peace and rest.

(Taken from Like A River Glorious, by Frances Havergal and James Mountain)

What struck me in that last verse was the idea that trusting was a choice we make. We can either trust Him wholly, and find perfect peace and rest, or we can choose the imperfect route of anxiety and distrust.

I don't do this perfectly, so my peace and rest are not perfect. But it was a good reminder of what to strive for ... what direction to go in.

Who or what will your put your trust in today as a result of your trials?

Whatever trial that falleth from above, I hope you choose to trust Jesus wholly, so that your heart can be fully blest.

Comforted.

Perfectly Peaceful.

Like a glorious river.

~Brenda

Psalm 34:8 - Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!