be still my soul

I'm currently reading Be Still My Soul, by Elisabeth Elliot. Her spiritual wisdom and grace have blessed me beyond measure. This is my second time reading it, and I'm learning new things as if I've never read it before.

Instead of trying to explain, I'll simply show you an example. 

And I quote ... 


To walk with Him is to walk the Way of the Cross. If the cross we are asked to take up is not presented to us in the for of martyrdom, heroic action of some kind, dragons or labyrinths or even "ministry" -- at least something that looks spiritual -- are we to conclude that we have missed the Way? Not at all. Sometimes the humblest life, such as that of "Mom" Cunningham (mentioned in Chapter 5) is the clearest example of obedience. 

And get this ...

The Way of the Cross is an ordinary street in an ordinary city. It is an ordinary life lived in the grace of God. There is a pot of gold, there is a king's reward, but it comes at the end of the journey. (p. 94-95)

This gives me hope, meaning, and focus. It's so easy for me (little, insignificant me) to believe in my heart that what I do day in and day out makes little or no difference. What is so heroic about washing underwear and teaching long division? I ask myself.

Ah, but that's the Way of the Cross. Those ordinary, every day tasks that seem so menial, so blah, are my ministries. My God-given assignments for the day. 

The older I get, the more I am able to say that I want to live an ordinary, servant oriented life, but I still have a long way to go. I do find comfort, purpose, and ministry in the ordinary. And if nobody else on earth sees ... if nobody takes notice ... that's ok. Because God notices.

I can rest assured that at the end of my journey, I'll find my my pot of gold.

And so will you, my friends.

So will you.

Just be faithful. Keep serving. Keep loving.

Most of all, keep praying.

Your king's reward awaits you.

Near The Cross

Church attendance was down this last Sunday night, and as a result, our little group sang with the accompinament of a single guitar. Everyone's voices were a little bit hushed because of shyness, making the atmosphere akin to singing around a bonfire.

One of the songs we sang was Near The Cross, by Fanny Crosby. It's an old hymn that we all could have sung by heart. But it reached the depths of our souls. Well, it reached the depths of my soul. I can't speak for the others.

So I've been meditating on the words this week, and I thought perhaps you would like to join me ... a pilgrim whose heart is prone to wander away from the Cross.

Near the Cross

Jesus, keep me near the cross,
There a precious fountain,
Free to all a healing stream,
Flows from Calvary's mountain.

Refrain:

In the cross, in the cross,
Be my glory ever;
Til my raptured soul shall find
Rest beyond the river.

Near the cross I'll watch and wait,
Hoping, trusting, ever,
Till I reach the golden strand,
Just beyond the river.

Refrain:

In the cross, in the cross,
Be my glory ever;
Til my raptured soul shall find
Rest beyond the river.

Until rest beyond the river comes, may we ever rest ever near the cross, where hope and strength for our weary, wandering souls await.

God bless all of you.

Heart Wise

I have a lot of thoughts running through my head and heart this morning, and not much time to share any of them. But I at least owe you a follow up concerning the results from the heart monitor, yes?

Yes.

The cardiologist did call me back after reading the results. And in a nutshell, the bottom part of my heart isn't working quite right. Meaning, I have lots of extra beats there. To me, if feels as though I'm getting skipped beats ... but I trust he knows how to read the stips accurately. :-)

We don't have any idea what is causing it. It could be as simple as a magnesium deficiency, which would not be that uncommon in people with intestinal diseases. He will probably check for a magnesium deficiency and an electrolyte imbalance, just to be safe. But for now, he's scheduled me for an ultrasound to determine whether the heart is enlarged. He's looking for one other thing also, but I don't recall what it was.

I think the major concern is that the extra beats are happening so frequently. It is not uncommon for me to have an occasional skipped beat, extra beat ... a flutter. But for the last five or six weeks, it's been a fairly constant occurence. And with my cardiac history, he doesn't want to mess around or leave it be. And I think that's wise.

Heart wise.

And speaking of hearts ...

My physical heart is having flutters. My spiritual heart is having flusters.

Having constant physical flutters produces an anxious feeling. If you've ever had any heart trouble, you know what I'm talking about. It's unsettling. It takes your breath away, quite literally. It makes you nervous.

Having constant physical flutters can also make me anxious emotionally, and this is what I'm having to strive hard to control. I feel anxious about possibly needing more heart procedures done. I feel anxious about medical bills. I feel anxious about it possibly being something that cannot be fixed.

And on and on it goes ... if I let it.

So I turn to the Lord, and ask Him for peace. I ask Him to comfort me, give me strength physically, as well as spiritually and emotionally.

Life does not stop because I have extra heart beats. Other peoples hearts go on beating regularly. Methodically. Perfectly.

I cannot make my heart beat like that.

But when my physical heart is confused, I don't want my spiritual heart to follow suit. I need to set my spiritual heart on the things above, rest in Him and His all sufficient grace, and lay every little extra heartbeat at the foot of the Cross. Where His grace and mercy are abundant. Where I can rest in His sovereignty and goodness. His watchcare over me. Over my kids.

If there's one thing I learned from the time of my life where I was bedridden and had little kids to take care of, it's that I am not irreplacable. This world keeps going whether I am here or not. If my heart fails, the rythym of my children's hearts will continue. The steady beat of my husbands heart that I hear when I lay my head on his chest will endure. The laundry will still get washed and folded (well, it will get washed ...). Andrew will still get his driver's license. Someone will take over being secretary for the church, etc., etc.

My job is not to worry about who will accomplish everything I do if I am no longer able, but to trust God when He says that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Bottom line: He knows what He's doing. I am the clay. He is the Potter.

I trust Him to make me into a beautiful vessel that can be used by Him. And if it takes extra heartbeats to accomplish that, then so be it.

I trust the Lord.

If I can trust Him with my soul, I can trust Him with my heart.

Extra beats and all.

~Brenda

Kid Art

I think all of my kids are artistic ... in their own special way. Take a look at these pictures and let me know if you concur.

Andrew colored our step with this last year with no prompting from anyone. He often pleasantly surprises me with little notes and art clippings.




Jessie cheesin' it up while she colors:


Finished product. We hope all you Little Lovely Lurkers feel welcome, indeed!



I believe this says something, something, something, Mr. Sun ... or something. Can you tell Jessie works at a Mexican restaurant?

And I do not?


A message for her Papa, although I couldn't tell you what that message is. Something about home ... maybe "welcome home?"

I know. I'm pathetic.



And since it's Easter and all, I had to show you two crosses. One that Ashlee drew with chalk, and one Andrew put up in our back yard, where the swing set once was (he's too big for swing sets now, ya' know). He engraved it with the wood burner that Uncle Bob got him for Christmas.

So first, Ashlee's cross. Perty, huh?


And Andrew's cross that he built and engraved. It made me thankful Jesus didn't stay on that cross.

Or in the tomb.

But instead, conquered the grave, rose, and ascended into Heaven.

He lives in my heart. And I hope He lives in yours too.


Ah hem!!! Bragging session is now over.

Everyone back to work!

~Brenda