My Views on Marriage

Due to the emails that I've been receiving, some clarity on the issue of early marriage is appropriate. What I write will not be my total view on marriage. Only a few issues will be dealt with. I realize I'm the only one seeing the feedback, and so, some of you may question why I'm dealing with specific issues. But hopefully, everyone will be able to understand what I'm saying and take away a few gold nuggets (or cow pies, however you view my opinions). ;-)

First of all, I apologize if my blog on marriage came across as flippant. I am not flippant about marriage, and especially not about early marriages. Marriage is serious business, no matter what age you are. Hopefully, the way I live my life is proof enough of this belief.

The question of maturity levels were brought to my attention. And while I agree that a person needs to be mature when he or she marries, I do not agree that their maturity level needs to be equal with that of someone old. I believe that marriage is an excellent opportunity to BECOME mature, to learn what it means to lay down one's life for another, to sacrifice your own preferences for your mate's, and to follow (or lead) in your spousal role. Marriage is not something you can go into having perfected these qualities. You learn them as you go. It's an opportunity (as is parenthood) to grow spiritually in a way that is very likely impossible any other way.

The key to making a marriage work is a matter of the heart. There's very little room for selfish, disloyal, uncommitted hearts when two people are in the process of becoming one. So the question is .... how dedicated is the couple? What if poverty comes? Will they still stick together? What if all of their children have Down's Syndrome? Will it "be too much" for them? What if one partner becomes ill, unable to work or take care of children? Will they do what it takes to make it work? Will they use any hardship in life as an excuse to get out of the marriage? In my view, there is no reason for divorce, barring physical harm or sexual immorality. So when I hear excuses such as, "he wasn't who I thought he was," or, "I was just too young when I got married,", or, "she's way too much like my mother," ... whatever the excuse may be, I automatically hear, "I'm quitting, I'm not committed and never was."

Do I think that young people can be dedicated to a marriage? YES. I DO. I was young and immature when I got married, but I believe that Shaun and I were both sober-minded when it came to staying together. I was committed, in part, because that's what I was raised to believe marriage was about. I was never SHOWN how to live that way (by my parents), but I was taught the concepts of it. And by God's grace, those beliefs were deeply transferred into my heart. And it's by God's grace that I've been able to remain committed. It will only be by God's grace that ANYONE who gets married, STAYS married. The trick is not necessarily being old enough to get married (although I realize there are limits), but whether you are able to truly fathom the awesome commitment that marriage entails.

Secondly, the woman's "need" of a career was also brought to my attention. On this issue, I am flagrantly old fashioned. I believe that the career and financial responsibility primarily lie with the man. A woman does not NEED a career before she weds. I am not against it if she wants to do that, but I believe God made men to be the providers and women to be the nurturers. I am also of the opinion that if a woman does have a career, it can be a temptation for her to view it as a way out "in case things don't work out" in the marriage. Again, that's an excuse ... a cop out. Marriage is a bonding of yourself together with someone and to say that you need a backup plan is stating that you are unwilling to commit to being with someone until you die. Having said that, I want to make it clear that I do not have an issue with women having a career. But it should be more of an insurance in the case that their spouse dies, rather than if the marriage "doesn't work out." In my eyes, my daughters do not need to have a self-sustaining career when they get married. But when it comes time for Andrew to be married, a stable job that can support a family is of utmost importance.

To wrap up, when my girls want to be married, I'm not going to ask them whether they make enough money or whether they've lived enough (aka partied enough) to be able to settle down. I want to know if they are committed to their spouse, to God, and to the family they will become. I want to know if they are willing to follow (to the ends of the earth, if necessary) their husbands to be. And I want to know if they (husband and wife) are open to the Lord's direction, and are growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior. In other words, what is in their hearts? Are they dedicated? Are they open to God's leading, and the advice of those in authority over them? If the answer is yes, and they are at a reasonable age with stable income, then who am I to keep them from God's gift of marriage?

I hope that has calmed some of the fears that I've apparently fanned. Rest assured, friends and family, we are not encouraging a marriage before the time is right. I'm asking you to have a little bit of faith in our parenting, and ultimately in God. We could use your prayers, because giving a blessing on a marriage is nearly as serious as being the one getting married. We do not take the situation lightly. But it is a balance between getting them ready financially and spiritually, and keeping them pure. If it ever comes down to whether they have reached their premarital banking goals, or whether they are about to corrupt their flesh, I'll advise them to work a second job and get married. I'll not have any sacrificing of the sacred.

Thanks for the great responses and conversations. Feel free to keep them coming. I apologize that the blog will only hold 300 word comments. I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to fix that, but I'm not sure there is a way.

Until next time,

~PrairieBren

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh; What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." Matthew 19:6

More on Nicknames

After reading the blog, my dad wrote me an email with these words:

Jessica was the name of the cow that I had butchered and when you were told that, you would not eat her.

So there ya' go. Us kids were not in the know about the fact that we would have to eat Jessica. Way to stick up for my rights (and Jessica's), huh? ;-)

Bob was actually named after my cousin Robert Lee Stewart who was killed after a car wreck and subsequently fell off of a horse and did the job permanently. The nickname of Bob when I was raising you guys was Robert Lee Rigamortis Rugrat,.....I guess from actual rigamortis from my cousin who was dead.

I'm sorry, Dad. But there's something just not right about that!! Now all of you who know me will understand why I turned out the way I did. Ha! What a riot!

Larry Dean Haynes was named after my cousin Larry Haynes whom shot a rabbit with a 44 mag causing immediate disintegration. Dean came from Dean Harrison whom at the time I thought a lot of. (Later I did not)

Dad also told me that Larry was called Leaping Larry Lizard for being skinny (and I think it was also due to the fact that he was a quick runner).

And finally Brenda Pooh Bear came from me being silly as you were so cute you reminded me of the Winnie the Pooh Bear. I now have a Sheltie named Winnie the Pooh.

Awwww ... now I have a dog named after me too. I'm told she has big brown eyes like mine. I feel so flattered, Dad. Truthfully, I am reminded of a certain picture of me as a girl. I'm sitting by the sink in the bathroom, and with the big eyes and very chubby cheeks, I could see how one would think I looked akin to Pooh Bear. So ... no hard feelings.

It's been fun to recall some of the silliness of growing up. I'm thinking there's a book that needs to be written about all of these riotous memories. So if you see a children's book out there someday with some familiar absurd and wacky names, you'll know why.

~PrairieBren

Mort, Lizard, and Pooh

I picked Jessie and her two friends up from school today, and on the way home, her friends were teasing her about how her laugh sounds like a neigh. So to join in the teasing, I told her to stop neighing, because after all, she was named after a cow, not a horse. You see, when I was a kid, we owned a cow. The cow stayed in a local farmer's field until it was ready to be butchered. But the cow was really very cute, and so my brother, Bob, decided it needed a name - Jessica. (We apparently didn't know the rule of not naming something that will later become dinner!) Anyway, I loved the name Jessica, and yes, that probably stuck in my head somehow and later became my second daughter's name. When I first told Jessie about our cow, Jessica, she was convinced that's who she was named after. I tried to convince her otherwise, but it didn't work, and so now we just console her by telling her that she was a very good looking, good tasting cow. And in honor of our cow, Jessica ... I sometimes call her Jessie Cow instead of Jessica. Warped sense of humor, I know. But that is how nicknames get started.

My dad has called me Brenda Pooh, Pooh Bear, Pooh, Pooey, and all sorts of other variations since I can remember. I'm not real sure how that nickname got started. I'm hoping it wasn't because I reminded him of the "bear of very little brain" ... hopefully it's because I was cute and round as a toddler. ;-)

He also gave my brothers their nicknames: Leaping Larry Lizard, and Mort (short for rigormortis). Sorry Bob, I think you got the short end of the stick when it came to nicknames. :-)) I am also unsure of why my brother's names were changed to Lizard and Mort. Dad, if you're reading this, pray tell! Why are we Mort, Lizard, and Pooh? Our fragile and damaged self-esteems want to know.

I can also recall a friend growing up, whose name was Michael. That is, until Dad came along. One little instance of that kid shoving a rock up his nose, and his name was Rock Beak from that point on. I'm not sure where Rock Beak is today, but we can rest assured that he'll think twice before he puts another rock up his beak ...

I have to admit, my Dad's the best at renaming people. But a friend of ours did an equally good job of renaming Dad when he began calling him Hairbag. Those of you who know my Dad will agree that no other name could possibly be more fitting. :-)

Although our nicknames were weird (at best), we always knew Dad was being lighthearted and funny when he used them, as I am when I make mooing sounds at my daughter. I have many more nicknames I could share, but I'll wait to do that another day. Until then, feel free to share your own nicknames, or those of your children.

Thanks to those of you who have replied (via email) about my post on early marriage. Lots of good discussion and I hope you'll always feel free to post a comment or email me anytime.

Until next time,

~PrairieBren
"Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive." Thomas Chandler Haliburton

Mawwiage!!!

Mawwiage is what bwings us togeva ... today! And wuv ... twuuuuue wuv!!! Will folwow you...foweva....

Ok, maybe I've watched Princess Bride one too many times. But, since it's the month of Valentines, love and marriage have been on the brain. I know two very young couples right now who are contemplating marriage. One of which happens to be my daughter and her boyfriend ... sigh. Not that I disapprove - but they are VERY young.

Now, having gotten married at age seventeen myself, maybe these kids think that I don't have much room to talk. I can see how they would look at Shaun and I and assume that their marriage would work out the same way (we've been married 18 years now - woohoo!). So how do you tell young ones that are twitterpated and in love that they need to be serious about the journey they are about to embark on? Seriously, post a comment and let me know your thoughts. What would you say to someone who is still a teen and talking marriage? Do you think marriage should be reserved for those only over 20 years old? When is someone mature enough to be married? Is anyone EVER mature enough to be married? Can someone that is still a teen know what "twue wuv" is, and know what type of dedication it takes to say the vows of marriage? Princess Buttercup was certainly not very old ... and neither was her Wesley. ;-) In days of old, it was much more common to be married at a young age. Why has time changed that?

Let me know what you think the pros and cons of marrying early are. Feel free to remain anonymous if you'd like. :-)

In the meantime, I hope you all had a great Valentines Day. Shaun and I celebrated a few days late, but went out and enjoyed each others company. I'm grateful we can still do that! Love you, honey!!! :-))

~PrairieBren

"Life without love is empty and meaningless no matter how gifted we are." Charles Stanley

Rough Relationships

Maintaining relationships is meant for the rough and tough, if you ask me. Wimpy people don't tend to have relationships that are worth much, because relationships take hard work and determination. In previous years, I handled relationships as if they could come and go at my beck and call. But in reality, if you want relationships that are built on trust, love, and acceptance, you have to work for it. When someone wrongs you, it's your business to forgive them - whether they ask for it or not. When you hurt someone, it's your duty to ask them for forgiveness - whether they accept or not. And when there are any issues unresolved, it will behoove you to not let them remain so (don't let the sun go down upon your wrath). Granted, some folks you are trying to resolve an issue with will not want to cooperate. In which case, it hurts ... and yet, you've done what you can. I guess my point is that conflict in relationships is always worth trying to resolve. And the older I get (no comments!), the more I realize it's worth every painstaking effort to maintain the relationships that God has given me. So for those of you who are feeling my pain right now ... keep up the maintenance. It'll be worth it in the long run. ;-)

On the lighter side of things, Big Red was hauled off today to get a new transmission installed. Big Red has yet to ask me for forgiveness. He DID, after all, leave me in the middle of the road, stranded. Ha! Seriously, it'll be nice to have three vehicles again ... even if one of them is guilty of betrayal.

Andrew is feeling much better. His rash from the allergic reaction to the antibiotic has finally all disappeared. Now we are praying his tonsils do not flare up again before his surgery. Everyone has stayed relatively well, comparatively. Rough, rough flu season for everyone in Colorado.

Hope you're all are staying well -- physically, as well as in your relationships with others!

((Hugs)) to you all,

~PrairieBren
"A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference." Winnie the Pooh

Short Update...

So I took Andrew back to the doctor today to find out what was causing him to break out in a rash. It was definitely an allergic reaction to his antibiotic (the second one they put him on). When he first started to develop a rash, I took him off the antibiotic, and called the doctor. I decided to leave him on the steroids they gave him, because I knew that steroids help minimize allergic reactions. The doctor told me I was a very smart mom to do that. :-) She thought the reaction could have been pretty serious if I hadn't. We've got him on some anti-histamine, and he's already looking better. Whew!!! I'm so glad it wasn't another sickness that he would have to deal with. After three weeks of this, we're ready for Andrew to be back up to par!

On the downside, Shaun and I are now both fighting some kind of bug. But ... since we are brute strong, I'm sure we won't be affected for long. Ha! Knock on wood....

Again, I hope you all are keeping well. Make sure you drink lots of orange juice, take your garlic (even if it does make you stink), and drink that echinacea tea. And try not to work yourself into a frenzy. Rest, rest, rest!!

~PrairieBren