blessed be the name of the Lord

I don't write much about the trials of my life. I'm not trying to hide the fact that I have trials, so that my life seems squeaky clean here on Prairie Tales. But it seems as though it's nearly impossible to share a lot without breaking the confidence of someone I love. So I remain quiet out of respect for them.

The fact is, for the last decade, we've been hit hard with major issues (plural - definitely plural!). Everywhere from health issues to family problems ... and beyond.

Through all of it, my faith has wavered ... from strong to weak, to nearly extinct, and back to vibrant (repeat said cycle at least six times). I haven't been consistent in remaining strong. And yet, no matter how weak I get, no matter how doubtful I get that He is still there, the Lord remains faithful.

He never left. I left. 

He never moved away from me. I moved away from Him, because I doubted His love for me. In fact, I doubted His very existence.

Well ... no more. 

Never again do I want to be an unfaithful doubter. I want my faith to stabilize. No more flip-flopping, tossing to and fro, like a ship without a sail. I don't want to cry "He loves me!" one day, and the next day "He loves me not!" - like some foolish schoolgirl. I want to be anchored to Him, remaining confident of my Savior's love, faithfulness, and goodness.

And so ... in looking back on the truly horrible week I just experienced, I want to publicly confess that Jesus is still Lord ...

 ... still loves me ...

 ... and still sits on His throne above.

And "When the darkness closes in, still I will say ... 'Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

Though I am prone to wander, I still choose to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I hope you can too.

Blogging By The Seat Of My Pants

Lovely Lurkers,

I have ten minutes to write a blog post. But I do love you dearly and want to give you an update, so I will blog - even if it has to be by the seat of my pants.

I finally have a health update. This process has gone so slow the last few months, that you would think I really do live in a sod hut out on the prairie, travel by covered wagon, and have to travel many miles in that covered wagon just to see the doctor.

Ok, I did have to travel many miles. Just not in a covered wagon.

But I digress ...

The new cardiologist has told me that my cardiac problems are not cardiac in nature.

Confused yet?

Me too.

In a nutshell, my stomach problem (gastroparesis) is somehow putting pressure on my heart when I eat, and thereby causing the heart to "jump," or have extra beats. The problem with this, of course, is that I eat like a bird as it is, and struggle to keep my weight to three pounds below the lowest acceptable weight range. So eating less, as he had the gall to suggest, is not really an option for me. At this point, I don't know what the options are, nor do I know for sure who to go see next.

Frankly, I'm not going to go see anyone just yet, as we are in a bit of a crisis mode. My mother-in-law (Jeanine) was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of days ago. So in essence, I have been demoted. I am low man on the totem pole now. ;-) Her situation is much more serious than mine, and for the next couple of weeks, our time will be spent with her. Comforting her, spending precious time with her, and supporting her in her upcoming surgery. All of the family has been called in, and while it's a bitter-sweet reunion, it's an opportunity for us to all be together - something that doesn't happen very often.

So we will take this time to cherish her, and cherish one another. We don't know what the outcome of this will be. We do know that the cancer originated in the brain, and is localized. There is no other cancer in her body. Having said that, she has been told it is the same type of cancer that Ted Kennedy had. So we know it is serious, and that she is not out of the woods.

We are all a bit dumbfounded, feeling a bit lost, and like we've been hit in the head with a 4x6. But we know that all is under the control of our Lord and Savior, and we are trusting Him with one of our most prized possessions - our mother-in-law, mother, sister, grandmother, and friend -all wrapped up in one darn cute package.

See?

Here she is on our little outing this past Sunday. We're all cooped up in the camper, out on the prairie. Good times, good times...

I confess that I am not ready to start down the road to orphanhood.

I'm a young 37, and she's a young 68. I feel the need for parents, and she feels the need to be a parent. But as I said, we trust in One greater than us. Whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and Whose ways are not our ways. So we are leaving this in His hands, to do with whatever He wishes and desires. Perhaps Jesus is ready to have her home. More ready to have her home than we are to keep her with us.

So we rest in Him, and in the sovereignty of His good will.

I will keep you posted.

Love,

~Brenda

I Will Rise

If you are a Christian, do you go through your day knowing and rejoicing that you will one day rise, when the Lord calls your name? Or do you get bogged down in the everyday muck that can so easily sap the joy from your life?

Yeah ... me too.

That's why I'm posting this song by Chris Tomlin. I want you to listen to it, and read the words as they flash across the screen.

I want your heart to absorb the message like a sponge absorbs water.

I want you to know the same Lord that I know.

And I want you to have the peace that can be yours through Him - and only Him.

So put the kids down for a nap, lock the dog outside, turn off the phone, television, and radio (I know you have all those things going at once!), and listen carefully and intently. You'll be on your way to living your life in the victory that can only come through knowing the One, True, Living God IF you take this message to heart and let it comfort and encourage you.

Jesus makes all the pain and sorrow worth it.

He makes it all ok. Even though it's not.