blessed be the name of the Lord

I don't write much about the trials of my life. I'm not trying to hide the fact that I have trials, so that my life seems squeaky clean here on Prairie Tales. But it seems as though it's nearly impossible to share a lot without breaking the confidence of someone I love. So I remain quiet out of respect for them.

The fact is, for the last decade, we've been hit hard with major issues (plural - definitely plural!). Everywhere from health issues to family problems ... and beyond.

Through all of it, my faith has wavered ... from strong to weak, to nearly extinct, and back to vibrant (repeat said cycle at least six times). I haven't been consistent in remaining strong. And yet, no matter how weak I get, no matter how doubtful I get that He is still there, the Lord remains faithful.

He never left. I left. 

He never moved away from me. I moved away from Him, because I doubted His love for me. In fact, I doubted His very existence.

Well ... no more. 

Never again do I want to be an unfaithful doubter. I want my faith to stabilize. No more flip-flopping, tossing to and fro, like a ship without a sail. I don't want to cry "He loves me!" one day, and the next day "He loves me not!" - like some foolish schoolgirl. I want to be anchored to Him, remaining confident of my Savior's love, faithfulness, and goodness.

And so ... in looking back on the truly horrible week I just experienced, I want to publicly confess that Jesus is still Lord ...

 ... still loves me ...

 ... and still sits on His throne above.

And "When the darkness closes in, still I will say ... 'Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

Though I am prone to wander, I still choose to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord."

I hope you can too.